“Pretending that I’m more “down” than you, that I’m more radical and liberated, reinforces the same stuff I’m trying to unlearn. It makes us feel like we are not enough. I’m tired of us all feeling like we’re not ok. What would it look like to believe that we could do it another way, that we could do it a million other ways? What would our sexual interactions look like if we believed that we were ok, if we were allowed to be our whole selves, if we saw ourselves as whole? What would it look like to be able to sit with our fears and to engage in a process of accountability with each other? What if we were able to show up in a centered, solid, whole, and graceful way? What would accountability look like?… Accountability is a process and part of that process is screwing up. That’s so scary and so real because when the stakes are this high, screwing up doesn’t really feel like an option. but what if instead we see accountability as a process we get to engage in when we fuck up, that fucking up is going to happen and instead of denail and hiding, instead of saying that we didn’t know any better (whether that’s true or not) we apologize, figure out what was going on for us, what places inside of us our actions are centered in and then figure out what we’re going to do about it. Because screwing up is a part of the deal but that doesn’t mean we get to fuck up in the same way over and over again. We engage so we don’t keep fucking up in the exact same ways. I want to fuck up in totally new ways.” —
Queers, kissing and accountability by Shannon Perez-Darby, from Learning Good Consent
hey, that’s my friend!